How can I convince my nurse practitoner that I have adhd?
Last week I had to go to a counselor because I had been under a lot of stress lately and had several panic attacks. I talked to the counselor and she suggested I went to see the np that works with them. I have been researching adhd for the last 2.5 years but was too scared to talk about it to anybody else i’d seen so i’d only been diagnosed with depression and GAD. I was diagnosed with depression/GAD 4 years ago when I started college and had to drop out after 1 semester due to a whole bunch of issues i won’t even get into right now. It had to do with physical and mental abuse from my mom that i’m still getting over now as well as the concentration issues.
I was placed on a couple of antidepressants for 1.5-2 years (prozac and abilify) and was able to start school again, but as i’ve been going into higher edu it’s been harder and harder to make it though school due to my adhd and since the antidepressants didn’t work on me. I eventually stopped seeing my old psychiatrist/counselor and have been w/o medication for 2.5yrs. I just graduated from undergrad and started pharmacy school and its only the second week and I feel so far behind! I can’t concentrate on anything, everybody’s already becoming close friends and getting into groups but i feel so left out, i can’t remeber any of the test, quiz, meeting times etc for school or socially, and i’m having a biochemistry test on friday and I know i’m going to fail it since I can’t make myself focus. I’m not even going to think about getting a job this semester because i know i already feeling overwhelmed and i definitely will fail out of school if i take a job now.
I’ve had so many of the common symptoms of adhd and had 4 & 5 responses on an adult adhd test the np gave me (where 1 is not at all, 5 is all the time) on 12 of 16 of the questions. She thinks I might not have it because i had a 3.4 GPA in college although i’ve had to drop/repeat quite a few courses and barely passed several classes with a lot of c’s especially in the last 2 years of my college career. I know I want to be a pharmacist and that’s whats been driving me all this time, but I know now I can’t take it anymore.
I was abused by my parents until i was 17 and still suffer emotional abuse from them a lot (they think i’m a bad influence on my younger siblings and older brother who has down syndrome and won’t let me come home because i got an industrial and got my second hole pierced on my ears!!!! and i’m 21yo!!!!!) and because of that i was really driven to do well in school because i would be abused when i didn’t do well/forgot assignments/etc in school.
I have so much disorganization and can’t keep my room clean past the day i clean it and lose everything so easily (keys,jewelry, remotes, etc) and i can’t concentrate or focus on anything for too long and get distracted really easily unless I’m reading a book i love or playing a video/online game i like. My mom (a pharmacist herself) told me she thought i had adhd since i was little, but never took me to see a doctor (i’m guessing because she knew someone would find out about the abuse if i went to a psychiatrist). I can’t make close friends at all due to the fact that I can’t make conversation and there’s too much stuff going on inside my head to concentrate and most of the time i come up with what to say far after everybody’s moved on from the subject! So i tend to be in one-way conversations all of the time and can’t stand to be in large social gatherings even if I’d had a few drinks since its just too awkward and draining and ppl get annoyed with me since I can’t think of anything to say!! I couldn’t even hug or comfort my 2 closest friends back in undergrad very well because i couldn’t think of the right thing to say or do.
I just saw the np today but i wasn’t able to tell her everything (including far more than what I’ve posted here) because of the time constraint. I just felt rushed and misunderstood and I didn’t feel like she really cared, so I eventually stopped trying to explain. she said its possible that i have something else and that she could rule out adhd eventually. She also kept saying that I could write well, as if that meant there was nothing wrong with me. She gave me some samples of Cymbalta that she said would help with the depression and anxiety. but if i can’t concentrate enough to focus in school and life how am i going to be happy!?!?!?!?!?!?! She wants to see me in a month but I’m not sure if I can make it by then. Should I tell the counselor how I felt about the meeting when I see her next week?
TL;DR::How do I convince my NP that I have ADHD even if I did okay in school (3.4 undergrad GPA) and can write legibly (WTF)?????? I can’t take this anymore!!!!!!!!